The Tent

The latest proposal is called The Tent. A spokesman explained, “It’s so much more than just a world-class road junction.  It’s whatever people want it to be; whatever they wish it could be; whatever they need it to be.  This is about removing the limits from Swindonians’ aspirations and dreams. It’s a circus. It’s a conference venue. It’s a leisure centre. We’ve got tight-rope walkers, A1 flipchart stands and a fifty metre swimming pool.  But that’s just the beginning. It’s a cinema – a sea life centre – a concert venue.  We’ll have the latest Hollywood blockbusters, swimming with dolphins and… Did someone say Take That!?”.

Once complete, there’s talk of Bruce Street Bridges becoming a unitary authority, independent of Swindon, paving the way for the obvious next step – an application for city status.  “We’ve not designed-in the cathedral yet”, he explained, “but we’re confident the tent would take the load, as long as we use the same pre-fab plasterboard and polystyrene construction that we’ve pioneered in Plaza 21”.

21st century magic for Swindon

“In 1972 it made a lot of sense”, explained a spokesman, “but just like the younger generation of magicians stole Paul Daniels’ and Ali Bongo’s lunch, the public, almost 40 years later, simply demand more magic”.  He explained how what was once a ‘magic’ roundabout simply doesn’t cut the mustard in modern society. “If you don’t like it, I suggest you go knocking on J.K.Rowling’s door.  Since she put Potter on the table, the kids are growing up with higher expectations for road features; they demand more magic.  And that’s before you consider the pressure we’re getting from Disney World, since the twinning”.

After showing a letter from Florida, telling Swindon to “magic up”, he went on to present a new design for Bruce Street Bridges that claims to be the most magical roundabout, not only in Swindon, but in the world. “1972 was the olden days. Get back in your kennel, Dougal. Frankly, our design makes the so-called ‘Magic Roundabout’ look like something an entertainer at a toddler’s birthday party would knock out.”, he said.

Welcome... and introducing the playground proposal

In addition to the two scenarios formally presented at the Great Western Way Highway Improvement Scheme exhibition, members of the public are encouraged to submit new ideas. The intention is to test public opinion of each in turn, and then produce a final design combining those elements that prove popular with the public. “We liken it to pick ‘n’ mix sweets”, explained a spokesman. “I’d like a liquorice lace running east-west, fizzy cola bottles around the perimeter and a sherbet flying saucer in the centre.  People from Bruce Street don’t like the flying saucer?  Fine.  Have a handful of chocolate-covered raisins instead; We’ll save the saucer for Transfer Bridges.  It’s that simple, and very exciting!”.

One such design element that the team have unanimously fallen In love with is that of a children’s play area in the ‘dead space’ at the roundabout’s centre. “We’ve calculated that the wasted space in the centre of Swindon’s roundabouts represents an area larger than Lydiard Park!  Bit by bit, we can create another Lydiard Park for Swindon, spread all over the town, in circular pieces”. It’s likely that the lake would be saved for the grand finale: The Transfer Bridges development in 2015. “They’ve got ducks at Lydiard. We’ll have ducks too, but we’ll also have pedalos and speedboats for hire. Imagine what a great first-impression it will give tourists arriving in the town by train!”.  The proposal for Bruce Street is to replicate the fantastic playground provision from Lydiard Park. Swindon’s forward-thinking would make it the first town in western Europe to have such a revolutionary leisure hub. “If you thought the death slide at Lydiard was exciting”, he added, “wait and see how we’re incorporating the railway crossing into this one!”